These summaries were inspired by Geoffrey's Sentinel story descriptions.
The one where....
The Way Back: The one where Blake can’t remember, and he sits in a cell and grabs his head and screams, and the nice lawyer and his wife get killed because they know Blake isn’t a pedophile, and Vila steals Blake’s wallet and watch.
Space Fall: The one where Blake wants to take over the prison ship, and Avon has a bad attitude, and Vila drops his gun.
Cygnus Alpha: The one where Jenna finds a neat new outfit, and Blake runs around in the quarry chased by cultists in hooded robes, and Avon likes jewels better than Blake.
Time Squad: The one where Gan gets pity from Jenna, and Jenna gets chased by the aliens, and Cally kicks Blake through some rocks.
The Web: The one where there’s an Auron in a bottle, and the little squealing fungus guys destroy everything.
Seek-Locate-Destroy: The one where Servalan sexually harasses an underling and Travis is all smart until Blake outsmarts him and rescues Cally.
Mission to Destiny: The one where the farming planet people need the expensive plot device and Avon solves a mystery and hits a woman.
Duel: The one where Blake and Jenna sit in a tree but don’t kiss, and Blake doesn’t kill Travis, which he probably regrets later on.
Project Avalon: The one where Servalan wears fur and Avon takes the android’s skull off.
Breakdown: The one where Gan chews the scenery and Jenna squashes a guy who tries to flirt with her.
Bounty: The one where Cally wears a leopard-print coat and everybody gets handcuffed and they think their heads will explode but Vila stops it. And they think Jenna betrayed them but she saves the day.
Deliverance: The one where Meegat thinks Avon is a god and Jenna gets captured by hairy barbarians in the quarry.
Orac: The one where Ensor’s mechanical heart is about to give out and Blake and Cally make him carry Orac and he dies.
Redemption: The one where the stars don’t change position no matter what direction you see them from, and the aliens torture Blake with a rod of pain, and Blake knocks over some guards with his sleeves.
Shadow: The one where Gan tells Blake off and Cally fools the Mob with her telepathy.
Weapon: The one where Carnell bats his eyelashes and Blake has a clone.
Horizon: The one where everybody except Avon gets captured, and the men take off their shirts, and Blake makes the prisoners eat mush one at a time.
Pressure Point: The one where Blake, Vila, Avon, and Gan go on the monkey bars, and Servalan wears a hat, and Travis gets in trouble, and Gan gets rocks on his head.
Trial: The one where Travis makes you feel sorry for him and Blake mopes around with an alien that speaks bad English.
Killer: The one where Vila and Avon wear leather ponchos and there’s a horrible plague and everyone dies.
Hostage: The one where Blake kisses his cousin and Travis yells, "Crimos!"
Countdown: The one where Avon’s sad story is revealed, and he and Del Grant defuse a phallic bomb with melting ice everywhere.
Voice from the Past: The one where Blake grabs his head and screams, and Travis has his head in plaster, and Vila is gullible.
Gambit: The one where Avon and Vila go off to gamble and Jenna and Cally stage a catfight and Blake doesn’t kill Travis.
The Keeper: The one where Jenna pretends she likes a hairy barbarian and Blake interferes in a local power struggle.
Star One: The one where the shapechanging Andromedans try to take over the galaxy but Blake blows them up and then there’s a big cliffhanger.
Aftermath: The one where Dayna kisses Avon, and Avon kisses Servalan, and Servalan runs in the sand in high heeled shoes.
Powerplay: The one where Avon pretends to be Chevron, and Dayna pretends to be his wife but they don’t kiss, and Tarrant pretends to believe Avon is Chevron but really thinks he is either Avon or Vila, and meanwhile Vila has a broken arm and ogles the pretty girls but doesn’t kiss them, and Cally is stuck on a ship with Servalan but they don’t kiss either.
Volcano: The one where the planet blows up.
Dawn of the Gods: The one where Tarrant does math with a pencil and Cally gets possessed for the first time this season.
Harvest of Kairos: The one where Jarvik tells Servalan she’s beautiful and Servalan kills him, and Avon gets a pet rock, and Dayna fights Jarvik.
City at the Edge of the World: The one where Vila is the hero and he meets a woman who smells bad but later she bathes and they have sex, and Bayban the Butcher has a big cannon.
Children of Auron: The one where Servalan kills all the Aurons and Cally is sad.
Rumours of Death: The one where Avon is barefoot, and Vila gives him green stuff, and then he goes to a cave, and Servalan is chained to a wall and then Avon kills his old girlfriend.
Sarcophagus: The one where the alien possesses Cally, and Dayna plays the lyre and Avon kisses Cally, but it’s really the alien.
Moloch: The one where there’s a guy in a bottle, and a machine that can make multiple Tarrants, and Avon eats an apple.
Ultraworld: The one where the blue guys make Tarrant and Dayna do the human bonding ceremony, and Vila tells a lot of jokes, and Cally and Avon get their brains sucked out.
Deathwatch: The one where they eat, and Tarrant’s brother gets killed, and Tarrant is sad but beautiful.
Terminal: The one where you can see up Avon’s nose, and he thinks he’s found Blake, but he hasn’t, and
the Liberator is dissolving, and Zen dies, and Vila saves Orac, and the ship blows up.
Rescue: The one where Cally dies, and everyone gets attacked by furry animals, and Avon takes a bath, and Dorian tries to make a gestalt but Vila is drunk so he saves the day.
Power: The one where Avon smells like a man, but a woman knocks him on the head.
Traitor: The one where there’s a rebellion, and Dayna and Tarrant see Servalan but she gets away.
Stardrive: The one where the Space Rats have motorbikes and dune buggies, and everyone bounces around in the sand, and Dr. Plaxton gets blown up and we’re not sure if Avon cares.
Animals: The one where Dayna loves Justin, and Og pushes Dayna off a cliff, and Servalan makes Dayna hate Justin, and then Justin gets killed, and Dayna cries.
Headhunter: The one where there’s this android, and Tarrant and Vila nearly freeze to death, but it’s the head that’s important, so they go to the power plant, and then blow up the bridge.
Assassin: The one where Avon gets sold as a slave, and there’s this actress who’s trying to kill them, and Tarrant looks like he falls for the actress, but Soolin doesn’t,
and it turns out she isn’t really an actress, and the spider almost kills Avon and we get to look up his nose, and then the spider kills the actress instead.
Games: The one where Vila makes friends with a sad computer and they don’t get any feldon crystals.
Sand: The one where Tarrant and Servalan have sex because Servalan is sad, and later she doesn’t kill him, and all the sand gets melted.
Gold: The one where they don’t get any black gold, or Texas tea either.
Orbit: The one where Avon tries to find Vila and chuck him out an airlock, but Vila hides, and nobody gets the tachyon funnel.
Warlord: The one where Tarrant has a girlfriend with pink hair, and there’s an alliance to beat the Federation, but it all falls apart and the girlfriend dies.
Blake: The one where they find Blake, but Scorpio crashes and Slave dies and Tarrant is injured but Blake rescues him and pretends to be a bounty hunter, and they think he’s a bounty hunter, and Avon shoots Blake, and then they all die.
